It Only Hurts When I Laugh

A synopsis of President Bush’s November 1st speech to the Heritage Foundation, and the Democratic Response 

The President

  1. The terrorists (bin Laden quoted once, otherwise who the “terrorists” are is not specified, except that they’re Muslims) want to take over the world!
  2. Even though the accomplishments of al Qaeda since 9/11/01 have been disappointing, from a take-over-the-world point of view, be afraid, be very afraid.
  3. The terrorists are as big a threat as Lenin and Hitler!*
  4. I want my Attorney General. Now! 
  5. Congress has no right to not be afraid, very afraid. Didn’t I just tell everyone to be afraid? So be afraid!
  6. Congress also has no right to ask questions about torture of my nominees in a time of war. With a guy as scary as Lenin and Hitler. Or somebody.  Aw shucks, we’re at war, dadgummit! So I get to be the decider.
  7. Congress also has no right to not give me want I want. So gimeee gimmmee gimmeee now now now!

The Democratic response from Schumer and Feinstein:

“Well in that case, thank you sir! May I have another?”

*After all, their leader actually sends out a VHS from time to time with really negative words.

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One response to “It Only Hurts When I Laugh

  1. God, just think of where Bush would be if he hadn’t decided to cut back overseas spying in favor of increasing domestic spying in February of 2001. Hell, if 9/11 hadn’t happened, he couldn’t be saving us from the bad guys now…

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